Sexy Essays

So, as I’m drowning under an electronic and paper sea of university-related research I can’t really justify spending time writing anything other than notes (and shopping lists full of comfort food) at the moment.

But don’t feel too sorry for me; my areas of research for this term include ghosts, devils, gay vicars, and lesbian vampires. So yeah, I have to read a lot of essays, but lesbian vampires are never dull. Plus, it turns out that the kind of people who write essays on that kind of thing have a pretty good sense of humour. And a tendancy to read sex into everything. Honestly, everything. So although I don’t have time to write my own funny stuff, I have no compunction against copying and pasting other people’s. Here are some little gems of academia…

1. For the teenage boy in us all… (Not like that. Ew.)

Nameless Offences: Homosexual Desire in the 19th Century is incredibly insightful and basically a godsend to anyone researching the prosecution of homosexuality in the 1800s.

The author? H. G. Cocks. Putting two naked men on the cover of a book about 19th century homosexuality is fair enough. But then writing ‘Cocks’ over the top of them? Genius. Hats off to Cocks.

~

2. For every academic who, well, needs to get out more.

“Hogg knew very well that some of his readers would prefer an endless strip-tease to the pleasure of climax, but he nevertheless offers the possibility of a converging significance for those readers who wish to go all the way”.
(Extract from ‘Beyond Closure: Buried Alive With Hogg’s Justified Sinner’ by Magdalene Redekop.)

Seriously? The analogy works like this: finding meaning in James Hogg’s cryptic novel The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner is like having sex, as opposed to not having sex. Now, I once challenged Boyfriend to include the word ‘armadillo’ in an essay about the Cold War (his teacher wrote a big red question mark next to his description of an “armadillo-like iron curtain”) so I have to ask: was this a dare, Magdalene? Come on, you can be honest with us.

~

3. For Freud. Just Freud. Nobody else.

“‘Go and hang yourself!’ was equivalent to ‘Get yourself an erection at any price!’”
(Extract from Freud’s ‘The Interpretation of Dreams’.)

Some context here: Freud’s is arguing that his female patient telling her husband to hang himself is because what she really, unconsciously, wanted, was to have sex with him. Aww, Freud, you old sexed-up sexist, you. I’m betting it was because she wanted him to go away and leave her alone.

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