Along Came Poll Day

With just hours to go until the winner of the American presidential campaign is announced – election lawyers willing – and with me being the twitchy combination of highly concerned and unable to vote (damn my pesky British-ness) I decided it was the perfect time for a nice, polite, political rant.

Firstly I do feel it is important to note that despite having watched The West Wing box set from start to finish at least five times, my knowledge of the American political system is more sketchy than Leonardo da Vinci’s notepad and my opinions are essentially of no real merit at all.

Now we have that (irrelevant and unimportant) disclaimer out of the way, I can go on to say that we need four more years of Obama, please. By ‘we’ I do not mean America. I cannot speak for you, oh crazy mixed up land of dreams and cities that never sleep. That would just be presumptuous. I’m speaking on behalf of the rest of the world.

My reasoning is actually very democratic: there are more of us than you, and we like him much, much better than Romney. We think he’s pretty awesome to be honest. It’s not just that we trust him with the commander in chief thing and nuclear launch codes and what not; it’s more that the guy is cool. He can sing for god’s sake! The last time a British Prime Minister was accurately described as being cool it would have been due to low body temperature.

As for Mitt Romney, his name is an anagram of ‘Mr Tit Money’ and I have nothing further to say on the matter. Sure, you can make my name into ‘Smuggest Mare’, but the difference is that you can’t type ‘Gemma Sturges’ into Google and wait for the search engine to present you with a mean anagram. You have to sit and think of your own mean anagram, which can take a long time if you aren’t especially good at Scrabble. So when someone dislikes you enough to make your name into a mean anagram and then go to the trouble of publishing it, you know you’re in trouble. ‘Mr Tit Money’ isn’t as elegant as calling Tony Blair ‘Bliar’ but the mean-anagram name-calling didn’t work out too well for Tony. (For non-British readers, Tony ‘Bliar’ Blair was the one with the ears and the Iraq war.)

There’s so much more I could write but I’m going to have to spend the rest of the evening counting to 270 with my fingers crossed, which isn’t very conducive to typing. Happy not-voting, everyone!

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One response to “Along Came Poll Day

  1. Lots of smiles – good one 🙂

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